This week we explore one of the most challenging skills in leadership: The art and science of effective listening. You can substitute the word ‘active’ for the word ‘effective’ if you like, because after more than 50 years in use, the skill of ‘active listening’ is still practiced (or at least intended) by people around the globe and in every walk of life.
What is active listening?
The term was coined in 1957 by psychologists Carl Rogers and Richard Farson and popularized by Psychologist Dr. Thomas Gordon, author of Leader Effectiveness Training (L.E.T.), and founder of Gordon Training International (GTI), a global human relations training organization.
Active listening is a problem solving tool. We use it to support and facilitate team members in solution-making when they show signs – such as sullen silence, moodiness, closed body language, negativity, and so on) that there is a problem they need to solve – and that we need to support them in solving – because it affects both their performance and those around them. Active Listening gives us a fault-free, non-judgmental vehicle for win-win solution-making.
Getting from ventilation mode to solution-making mode
The objective in active listening is to really ‘hear’ what the other person is saying; to demonstrate care and concern by listening intently – and to support them in solving the issue they are dealing with. We do this by using a friendly door opening question. By making eye contact. By maintaining a relaxed body posture. Nodding. Paraphrasing. Reframing. Asking questions that help the speaker clarify their own thoughts and feelings – and drilling down – with open-ended questions that uncover why something seems to be particularly important to them. Ultimately, our purpose is to help them move from ventilation mode to solution-making mode by asking if they have ideas on how they could solve the problem. If they have truly felt heard chances of their coming up with an idea and an action plan are much greater than without that hearing.
Example: The case of the missed measurements
Client: A custom commercial window manufacturer.
Situation: Team leader notices unusual moodiness, negativity, displayed by a team member.
Remedial action: Leader chooses to intervene with an invitation to talk.
Door Opener: “Pat, you seem a bit off this morning. What’s up my friend?”
Pat: “It’s Engineering. They keep sending us shop drawings that are missing measurements. That means I’ve got to go back and forth – and wait for revisions – which is a major waste of time. Damn it! Why can’t they just get it right in the first place?”
Leader: Paraphrasing and reframing to take out the blameful content: “You’re getting shop drawings that are missing measurements.”
Pat: “Yes, and it’s getting worse – and my people are not happy with the start-and-stop it causes.”
Leader: “Do you have any thoughts on how you could deal with this?” (Leader is nudging Pat toward solution-making by asking leading questions – but is not taking over that function – and is fully prepared to go back into further listening if Pat continues ventilating and is not ready to move forward.)
Pat: “I’ve been thinking of talking to Chris (Engineering Manager) and asking him if there’s anything they can do. He might not even know the effect this is having on us. Now that you and I have been talking about it, I think I’ll go see him today. Thanks for your help.”
Special note: While the leader owns the big picture challenge of maintaining a high-performance working environment (I call this the performance zone vs. the distraction zone), it is important to leave personal problem solving and implementation to the team member involved whenever possible. In this way we help them build their capacity to solve problems instead of suffering them; we contribute directly to building a safe problem-solving culture; and, when they own the solution, they are much more likely to follow through. But there’s a problem.
Sounds great. So what’s the problem?
The problem is that very few leaders put this skill to work on a routine daily basis – even those who may receive the most training, and have the greatest need. For example, while conducting a leadership training workshop with the faculty of nursing at a local college, I asked if anyone had training in active listening. All hands went up. Then I asked, “How many of you have used the skill in the past ten days?” A few hands went up, tentatively, then fell again when I specified that by “using the skill” I meant doing a bit of preparation – scheduling a time and place to meet in private (if a meeting is needed); asking not to be disturbed; shutting off cell phones and notifications – and preparing to pay full attention. One nurse summed up their problem with using the skill when she said, simply, “We just don’t have time.”
Active listening? “Love it. But who has time?”
When I asked why the nursing school participants felt they didn’t have time, they offered a snapshot of life in the 21st century: Email overwhelm. Endless texting. Interminable rapid-fire meetings. Zoom replays in case you missed one. Struggle to get remote workers involved and engaged. More and more virtual paperwork. All hallmarks of a tech-fueled communication culture that is upside down: the more we communicate with technology, the less time we have to communicate with each other. Hmm.
Formal meetings and lengthy sessions are seldom necessary
But there is good news when it comes to time. Notice the length of our sample session above. We don’t need a full-blown formal meeting to do some serious listening and problem solving. We can actively listen, and problem-solve on the fly. We can do so – very quickly – by saying something like the opening we used, “Pat, you seem a bit off this morning what’s up my friend?” Just using a genuinely friendly door opener like this can be the gateway to a wide open communication that leads rapidly to effective solution making. All we need to do is show we care, listen with our full attention, paraphrase and reframe appropriately and support them in coming up with their own solution.
Key point: it can be tempting to try to ‘help’ – and save time – by taking over the solution-making process (e.g. “Pat, you need to talk to Chris and see what’s happening from his point of view…”) Doing so may ‘help’ by being expedient but it does nothing to keep the locus of responsibility with the team member and offer the real help of enhancing their abilities. One key to saving time is to approach at the earliest signs of discontent. I call this ‘catching snowflakes’ before things snowball out of control. Our example illustrates this approach.
Key point: A hearing is not a debate. It can be tempting to listen for points we can bring up in rebuttal – as if we’re debating – instead of listening to hear and understand, and support the team member in coming up with, and implement, their own solution. Being alert is key to success.
Are we sure we don’t have time?
When people with a problem don’t feel heard they tend to turn off and tune out at best or become disgruntled and ‘actively disengaged’ at worst. (As you probably know ‘actively disengaged’ is the current term used to describe an employee who is disgruntled and works against the interests of their boss and the organization. (I call this phenomenon, ‘Firing the company but staying on the payroll.’) What does it cost in time if we skim the surface of a team member’s concern and leave it to fester? How much will it cost in time to make up for the sloppy work that an employee with a ‘bad attitude’ (usually driven by being ignored) delivers? What does it cost in time if they leave and a replacement has to be recruited, on-boarded, trained and integrated? Are we sure we don’t have time?
Your call to action
This week I encourage you to take active listening for a spin (assuming you’re new to the practice…if you already use it perhaps this exercise will serve as a refresher). The only prerequisites are determination, mental preparation, practice and a willingness to learn by doing. While active listening is another practice that requires no special training I have developed four cardinal rules that help me stay on track:
- Prepare vs. winging it. Whether your intervention is a formal meeting or an informal conversation, try to plan ahead. Determine best location, time and conditions if a meeting, and ask not to be disturbed except in emergency. Avoid ‘across the desk’ communication to neutralize a power imbalance, and think about a door opener that will not prompt a defensive reaction. (Note: going off site has proven more effective than meeting in-house).
- Listen without interruption and distraction. Can you imagine anything less respectful and counter-productive than a supervisor checking their cell phone while ‘listening’ to a team member?
- Listen without talking over or taking over. The temptation to hijack the session can be overwhelming. For example many of us will steal the other person’s thunder by saying something like, “I know what you mean. ..the same thing happened to me during the meltdown in 2008…” We also need to guard against the temptation to jump ahead and fix the problem for them. Or question what they have or haven’t done, so far. For example, “Have you tried X?” or “Why haven’t you done Y?”). We need to acknowledge that these temptations are powerful and we need to guard against them.
- Remember: Our purpose is to support our team members in solving their problems and getting back into the performance zone. This means watching for and acting on signs of distress – and treating them, realistically, as opportunities instead of obstacles.
By the way, active listening is a fabulous tool for parents, particularly if you’re dealing with what I call ‘Sullen Teen Syndrome.’ (Don’t be surprised if your results are surprising.)
See you next week.
Neil
