Introduction:
Hello again. Last week I talked about why it’s so important to provide corrective feedback without criticizing and demoralizing team members. (Please see Post 6, “Why and How to Correct without Criticizing.”) This week, we look at the how-to’s.
This has been a very hot topic for me for a very long time – particularly in relation to my turnaround work with companies facing bankruptcy. In these situations seemingly impossible problems had to be solved – immediately – or the company would go under. There was no time for the usual ‘attack/defend’ approach to providing feedback, and our no-fault problem-solving method emerged as a logical solution to keeping everyone onside and working together.
Drawn from what we (my clients and I) learned in turnaround cases, the following are no-fault strategies I shared with participants in my leadership training programs. They were intended first as learning aids, then as cheat sheets – material we can review before engaging someone in corrective feedback.
The suggestions and comments are lengthy and detailed but I ask you to bear with me. If providing corrective feedback is an issue/opportunity for you, I think you’ll find the detail helpful. If not an issue, you may want to give this a look anyway, as there are tips and tricks here that you may find helpful in other ways.
Special Note: Please note that I’ve numbered these steps for ease of reference only; they’re not meant to be followed in a particular order. Okay? Here we go.
Stage One – Prepare mentally
To collaborate literally means to co-labor or ‘work together.’ A collaborative approach helps to equalize the power imbalance that is inherent when one adult is in a position of authority over another – so that both people are freed to work as colleagues.
Step 1. Be brutally honest with yourself.
Can you solve a workplace problem without collaboration – without the full cooperation of the person(s) doing the work? Think of the recurring problems you and others encounter and attempt to work around on a daily basis.
Special note. One-way problem solving (dictating solutions, reminding, lecturing, instead of collaborative consulting, coaching and solution-making) actually used to work – in days gone by when we respected authority for its own sake. But those days are going if not gone. In today’s workplace respect for authority is more often replaced by respect for the person. That’s why books like ‘Emotional Intelligence’ and ‘Working with Emotional Intelligence’ (Daniel Goleman, Bantam Books) have become so popular, and so many bosses are working hard to become leaders.
Step 2: Establish true ownership of the problem.
First a reality check: We may think we want our team member to own the problem and be accountable for its solution. But do we really? While that scenario may be ideal, is it realistic? Does it get the problem solved and keep it solved? In doing turnaround work I learned very quickly that any problem that interferes with our ability to deliver the results demanded of us – is our problem as leaders. I hesitate to say this but I want to offer the thought that blaming is actually excuse-making by the boss (“I would have made the deadline, but Person X forgot to do Task Y – again.”)
By hoping the other person will own the problem, and self-correct, aren’t we shirking our responsibility…and enabling the problem to go unsolved? When you hear a manager say, “If I’ve told him once I’ve told him a hundred times,” you’re hearing someone who has not taken ownership of the problem and has not taken responsibility for solving it. Instead they are off-loading ownership and responsibility, and suffering the consequences. The solution: We need to step to the center of our world; own our problems, and take responsibility for solving them. Most important, we need to work ‘with’ our team member, not ‘against’ them when a course correction is needed.
Key Point: Some of my trainees and coaching clients felt this approach was permissive and would undermine their authority. If you share this concern, I offer the thought that a leader’s real power is not power ‘over’ others, it’s power ‘with’ others – the kind of power that ends complaining and blaming and gets people working together instead of fighting each other, so that problems get solved – now – and things get done. (While this approach may go easier on the person, the idea is to be brutal and relentless in attacking the problem).
Step 3: Establish your purpose in providing feedback
To ensure we’re doing things ‘on purpose’ and not ‘by accident’ think about your specific purpose before providing corrective feedback. For example, “My purpose is to get this problem solved, and make sure that it won’t happen again, without alienating and demoralizing my team member.”
Use cause and effect thinking – ask yourself, ‘What effect do I want to cause?’ by the way you approach and interact. In this case, we want to pre-empt defensiveness; move swiftly into problem-solving and achieve a sustainable win-win outcome. We also want the other person to feel good about themselves and their work—and at least as important— to feel good about their relationship with us. This is vital because we need enthusiastic cooperation – not defensive passive resistance – to ensure the best possible solution is generated, and implemented. And we want to use corrective feedback to strengthen rather than weaken relationships.
Helpful Hint: If you feel angry, try being ‘curious’ instead of ‘furious.’ That little re-framing trick has saved many of my clients (and me) a lot of heartache. It can also help to remember the old maxim in education: “If the student hasn’t learned, the teacher hasn’t taught.” (Hit and Run Coaching anyone?)
Step 4: Take responsibility
We need to take responsibility for solving the problem, and look hard for our responsibility in causing or enabling it to occur and (usually) recur, in the first place. We need to ask ourselves if we did anything that could have contributed to the situation. For example…
- Is there anything I could have done to prevent it?
- Did I do (or not do) anything that may have contributed to it?
(For example, was I guilty of drive-by delegation or hit-and-run coaching?) - Have I let things go because I wanted to avoid a confrontation?
- Have I been talking ‘about’ rather than ‘to’ the other person?
This is an exercise in self-confrontation. We need to be brutally honest with ourselves about our role and responsibility. In my experience, there is rarely a time when the leader hasn’t played some part in enabling the problem. Confronting ourselves in this way prepares us to open with an apology, if appropriate, when we approach the other person. This is a best-practice approach that helps us pre-empt defensiveness and prompt cooperation – right from the get-go. It helps because it’s hard to be defensive when you’re given an apology and asked for help.
For example…
“Pat, I need your help with situation X. I’m sorry I didn’t spend more time with you on this yesterday. My apology. Let’s go over the steps again…?”
Helpful Hint: Apologizing for our role can’t just be a device. If we’re not genuine our non-verbal language will give us away.
Step 5: Suspend judgment and make a positive assumption about their intention
As noted in Part One (Post 6), we can’t criticize without first sitting in judgment and making a negative assumption about the team member’s ‘guilt’ (that’s why all uninvited criticism is received as an attack). So we need to avoid jumping to a negative conclusion. Instead, simply assume their intentions were good – and again, prepare to ‘attack the problem not the person.’
Stage Two – The approach
Step 6. Manage both your verbal and non-verbal language
Dissatisfaction and criticism can be expressed in many ways, including:
- The usual (critical) verbal feedback
- Expressing disappointment
- Showing impatience
- An eye roll or ‘the look’
- Grimace or frown
- Arms crossed firmly
- Finger pointing
- Public criticism
- Taking over the work
- Sarcasm
- Expressing frustration or resentment
- An angry outburst
And more!
Step 7. Speak the truth: Apologize for your part and ask for their help.
We can manage these blameful feelings and responses by taking responsibility for our part. But that can be a tall order unless we’re willing to be brutally honest with ourselves. We need to understand and accept the truth that we are almost always responsible in some way for the mistakes that are made on our watch – and the truth that errors in performance can only be corrected if the person doing the work is motivated to do it differently – not just now, while we’re watching, but over time. (I know, I know, this is painfully obvious but for 40 years I’ve watched business owners, CEOs, Executive Directors, and front-line supervisors behave as if telling team members what to do would somehow motivate them to do it, and keep doing it, correctly. It (almost) never happened.
Still, I often met resistance to the no-fault approach. I remember one participant saying, “How can I ask someone for help when I’m mad as hell at them?” My humble response: “Maybe it’s time we stopped being mad at anybody – and started being more honest with ourselves.”
The truth is we need to find out what is keeping our team member from doing the task correctly, and how we can solve the problem. We’ve already proven that blaming, dictating and angry outbursts (one-way, top-down problem-solving) rarely work.
Step 8. Use ‘honest enquiry.’
The idea is to approach clean and clear – without pre-judging, and with our focus on the immediate problem. No reference to other errors. No shopping list of grievances. No reminders that you’ve told them before. Again, resist and reject thinking the team member may have been careless or had any ill intent, even if they have been challenging in the past. Think of the situation as a brand new learning opportunity for both of you, rather than a ‘teachable moment.’ for your team member.
Key point: When criticized we are ‘on alert’ and wary. Our attention may well be focused more on safety than on problem-solving. If we feel that the criticism is unfair, we either listen grudgingly or amplify our defense – while our resentment builds. If we believe the criticism is legitimate, we may suffer embarrassment, guilt and shame – less than ideal conditions for collaborative problem-solving.
Step 9. Practice empathy.
Try to imagine how the situation appears to the other person. Did they have enough time, or enough training to do the task correctly? Was the task high or low on their priority list? Were they pulled away by another priority? Do they feel that the task should have been someone else’s responsibility? Were they fully informed about the importance of the task in the big picture, or were they just assigned ‘another piece of work’ by a leader who hoped it would be done correctly?
Step 10. Practice effective communication
Following are several key strategies and practices that can help make your communication with the team member as effective and successful as possible:
- Avoid blocks to communication. Be sure your surroundings and behavior don’t interfere with your goals for a successful feedback session. For example, turn cell phones off; turn work over if you’re at your desk; monitor your verbal and non-verbal language to make sure they’re in sync and that you are presenting with authenticity. This topic is so important that it deserves a post of its own (“Coming soon to a ‘This Week’ article near you”).
- Expect defensiveness even though you’ve tried to pre-empt it. Old habits die hard. As leaders most of us tend to use criticism habitually – and most team members tend to defend themselves habitually – even when we’re careful not to criticize. When this happens, we need to emphasize that we’re not blaming…that there is no fault to be found. Constructive self-talk can help. Words like, “This is just a reminder that I need to slow down when I’m coaching,” have proven helpful, and, “Hey, If there’s any fault, it’s mine for not spending more time on this with you. Let’s do a review and see if we can pinpoint the problem…”
- Use a page turner to move swiftly into solution-making. The idea is to move as quickly as possible into solution-making. The example above (“Hey, if there’s any fault, it’s mine for not spending more time on this with you”) is designed to stop defensiveness, turn the page, and immediately move us forward.
- Use active listening. Take steps to ensure the other person knows you are paying complete attention when they speak. Listen actively with actions like paraphrasing what they say; nodding; asking for clarification, and so on.
- Change gears and move into assertive speaking. Listening actively shows respect and empathy – but remember there’s a problem to solve. Use assertive ‘I’ and ‘We’ language to bring the topic back to finding solutions. For example, “Chris, it’s pretty clear that doing it that way doesn’t work for you. Let’s do a little brainstorming and see if we can come up with an approach that will work…”
- Be mindful of the difference in thinking and speaking speeds. We think approximately three times faster than we speak. To slow our thinking (so we can pay close attention), we need to listen for what I call, ‘chunks of meaning,’ that we can paraphrase or ask about.
Helpful Hint: If the other person is speaking slowly it means that our brain has free time. If we’re not aware of these dynamics it can be very difficult to maintain our attention and avoid mental wandering.
- Attack the problem, not the person. Engaging the other person in collaborative problem solving – rather than assuming, judging, and blaming – enables us to use mistakes to actually strengthen rather than weaken relationships – while solving the problem effectively.
- Avoid blameful language. “You’ve got this wrong” or “That’s not the way I showed you” or “I’ve told you again and again,” are examples of blameful language.
- Use ‘I’ and ‘We’ language and avoid ‘You’ language. When we say the word ‘you’ (e.g. “Why didn’t you do it the way I told you?”) it can be like pointing an accusing finger of blame — which in turn provokes a defensive (often excuse-making) reaction.
- Focus on the present and future not the past. Don’t focus on the past when correcting. Bringing up past errors (mentally or verbally) traps you in the past and limits your ability to use your time ‘now’ to solve the problem.
- Don’t buy into one side of a story when dealing with complaints about another person. (Blaming another person or department is a common defensive measure. When this happens it’s easy to sympathize, but beware: There are three sides to every story – yours, mine and the truth. It is very easy to hear one side of a story, and feel like going to bat for the person telling it. It can take a great deal of determination and self-discipline to avoid this trap, but it’s worth the effort – or we are likely to approach the third party with bias and prejudice (perhaps even an accusing tone), even though we haven’t heard their version of events. Best solution: Meet with both parties, and ask them to hear each other and engage them in three-way problem solving.
- Rehearse your opening. Your opening message is critical. Rather than winging it, why not write up a two-line script for your opening approach? In this way you literally set yourself up to succeed.
Stage Three – Solution-making
Step 11. Go for a ‘real’ solution.
The best solution to most workplace problems is one that comes from the person doing the work, because when they own the solution they are more likely to follow through.
Step 12. Maintain focus on solution-making.
We need to pivot back (sometimes repeatedly) when the other person has difficulty focusing on solutions (perhaps blaming or complaining about others’ roles in what has happened, or apologizing at length for their own.) Refocus by repeating that we’re not concerned with fault, and ask for their help in staying focused on solution-making.
Step 13. Persevere.
One of my clients called this a ‘dog with a bone’ approach. While we expect digression we simply repeat, over and over again, in different words, that we’re determined to find solutions and we ask the person to stick with us in the effort.
Step 14. Replace discussion with brainstorming.
Wide open creative thinking is essential in solution-making. While some discussion is needed, obviously, brainstorming generates a greater volume and variety of potential solutions.
Special note: In my experience, people won’t engage enthusiastically in brainstorming unless the atmosphere is conducive. This is a concrete payoff for establishing the collegial, no-fault, solution-focused approach I’m outlining.
Stage Four – Follow through
Step 15. Acknowledge success.
At the first sign of success, be sure to acknowledge the other person’s effort and accomplishment. And continue to reinforce as they continue the corrected behavior.
Step 16. If the behavior or problem recurs, act quickly.
Approach in the same careful manner as you did originally. Use honest inquiry to ask if there was a problem implementing the plan, or if some other challenge arose. Switch gears, back and forth, from active listening to assertive problem-solving – always taking care to avoid fault finding.
Step 17: Consider Micro-Managing Temporarily.
Short-term micro-managing can be a powerful coaching tool. For example, a brief morning check-in call for just a few days can ensure that solutions to problems are fully and swiftly implemented. Micro-managing in this way can leverage your knowledge and experience to help in other ways as well – to shorten the learning curve for a new team member, for example, or ensure success with the implementation of a new program – or to support a team member in building a new work habit.
Many leaders I worked with resisted micro-managing in this way even when it was clear that they would benefit. They resisted the idea of ‘hand-holding’ and complained that it would take too much time. In terms of the time involved, I gently reminded them of how much time they spent now – dealing with problems that go unsolved – because we haven’t followed through in every way we could – including the short-term micro managing approach I’m describing. At that, eyes rolled, resistance faded, and they tended to move ahead – generating great results, time and time again.
Collaborative correction tells people they matter, even when they stumble.
Bottom line: Correcting without criticism isn’t just a way to lead others more effectively — it’s a way to manage ourselves more effectively as well. Choosing to problem-solve instead of criticizing or dictating a ‘solution’ requires the courage to look inward when mistakes are made. Every time we resist the urge to judge, and choose respect, curiosity and collaboration instead, we grow as leaders and as people – while getting even our most persistent problems solved. Our anger and resentment dissolve when we share responsibility – and that enables our team member to avoid the usual knee-jerk defensive reaction to being criticized. Result? We can turn the usual defense and resistance into enthusiastic cooperation and support.
“The law of Synergy: 1+1=3.”
When we treat problems as opportunities to strengthen rather than weaken relationships, we unleash what I call “The law of Synergy: 1+1=3.” (One person trying to solve a problem is nowhere near as powerful as two people building on each other’s ideas and problem solving together.)
If this hasn’t been your style – perhaps you don’t feel that it’s tough enough, or it may be too time consuming, etc. – you may be reluctant to give it a try. But I challenge you to over-ride your own resistance. Pick an easy problem – a mistake that you can easily see that you contributed to. Approach with a super short apology and ask them to work with you to solve it. That’s it. And if you’re like most of the tougher managers I’ve worked with, you will amaze yourself by how easy it turns out to be – without changing your ‘make it happen’ style – it’s just that now your being tough on problems, not on people.
See you next week.
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